Saturday, January 11, 2014
The (shared) pleasures of a 20 dollar stack of used books can not be exaggerated!
My husband and I, two very different, independent souls, have decided to make a list of all the things we love to do together, and then to actually do them, rather than mope and complain that there is nothing to do. It's an interesting practice to actually make a list, not unlike a shopping list, of those things that bring us closer, and after 26 years of knowing one another, there are still surprises.
Surprise #1--most of these activities we love to share are uncomplicated, free and ridiculously simple.
Surprise # 2--most are as unique as our relationship is, as any relationship is, and would probably appear really lame to other couples....oh well.
Surprise # 3--making the list makes us laugh, appreciating one another even more.
Surprise #4--there are no right or wrong answers.
The shared pleasure of heading across the street to the library, where they sell used books every Saturday, is a deep pleasure, something akin to hunting and gathering, feeding the brain and searching for humdingers.
Today's humdinger was a fencing video, the cover depicting a spangly- costumed woman holding a fencing sword and twisted into a serious, one-handed back bend.
And only last night as we watched an old movie my husband said, "Maybe I'll take up fencing...."
These are the sorts of things you say in the dead of January. And I suppose the humdinger is the sort of thing you look for as well.
Sometimes we know just what a relationship requires, and the practice of Right Relating is a clear as a mountain stream. In fact, it requires nothing at all, it is just comfortable being.
I had lunch with a friend last week, who said, "What are D's interests that don't interest you?" And I wanted to hug her for phrasing her question so skillfully, rather than, "What does he like that you don't like?"
There is a difference here. One question is closed, the other is open ended.
I realized I liked everything he is interested in, and admire his dogged pursuit, his obsessions and curiosity--that curiosity, whether I share it or not, is still a thing to enjoy and take great pleasure in experiencing!