What a Koan!
This is the Koan of our lives, we can't know. But we can practice the other 2 Pillars of Zen: Great Faith and Great Courage. We can all see where the "Courage" thing comes in! It takes tremendous courage not to grasp at the delusion of our constructs--the places of aversion and attachment, blame and ridicule, the falesy of permanence and the ego's continuous need to build walls! Great Courage requires mindfulness, especially in the most difficult places.
As the 5th Precept of The Vow for The Community goes, "I affirm an attitude of openness to my True Self, even in the midst of suffering."
Great Faith requires that we be open to the experiences our living offers us, whether we like the looks of that offering or not. But the paradox is that our Faith springs from our experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly, if we only abide in the present and practice from a heart of deep compassion. We see that our True Self is always there to guide us, as a place of radical acceptance and sustenance. Resting here, we find renewed faith, we grow courageous, we realize the spacious quality of Not Knowing.
And finally, it's an adventure, pure and simple!
So, my adventure is to discover what it means to be "Rev. Brooke Wiley" or "Osho Kai Go".
I embrace the adventure!