We shall see but a little way if we are required to understand what we see. How few things can one measure with the tape of understanding! How many greater things might one be seeing in the meanwhile?
--Henry David Thoreau
It's been some time since I left an entry in the BLS blog--my apologies for dropping off the map--and though my apology is sincere, I smile and sigh a little, none the less. No need for apologies.
In the time that I've been away, Spring Ango has come to a close, I've made a decision to take a 6 month sabbatical from all Sangha duties, I have reduced my work hours to 32 a week, a new baby grandson has been born and I've walked around Walden Pond under the sun of a late May afternoon, all 6 senses ablaze.
A hundred times since, I circumambulated the pond in my heart-mind, my footsteps falling where Thoreau and millions more have walked.
A hundred times since, I've laid the new grandson on my chest and listened to his small sounds, so much like a little wild animal, and stroked his cheek….again, in my heart-mind, for he is far away.
This being a first Ango, there were surprises all over the place that couldn't have been anticipated. It wasn't hard to notice aversions (meditation again??), attachments (hey, great meditation) and all manner of silliness from the ego self (you're so cool, you're doing Ango!).
But it was a big surprise to realize that I need a break. That time is more fleeting than I previously understood. That I have nothing to prove. That there is a deep well yet to be plumbed.
How will the well be plumbed?
After 7 years facilitating the Sangha's Thursday Night Meditation group, I need time away. It took me a year to make this decision, and Ango helped to make this finally clear, so that the final decision and the utterance to make it so came without a whimper or a doubt.
So, I will see the Sangha again in November.
In the meantime, I will do as my granddaughter did one May morning--drag the cushion out to the porch and regard the world around me. I'll turn the inside out and offer it up to whatever arrives to share the energy.